For almost 1,5 years i live at co-living space around south jakarta

Everything when well

The facilities

The friends

The environment

Frankly, we kinda close together

We partying a lot or even just hangout

We know each other glitch of stories

Well, I didn’t think it would like this if there’s no pandemic outside

We kinda force to be bonded by situations and now we used to lived like this

Today i realized, no matter we have fun together

Or maybe drunk

When we closed our room door, everyone had their nightmare and problems

One second, they will laugh over…

It is day 24 since I knew that I got infected covid-19, but don’t worry yesterday I took the test and the result was negative.
Last month, I told my mother that I want to live in Bali all alone because of my arrogance of being an adult.

Then Boom! I got covid all alone in Jakarta.
No family, no boyfriend, or else to take care of me
And you know what? all I could ever think is my parents
I cried and cried a lot
Tell them that I want to be with them. …

at some point in your life, you often feel that you’re nothing
you felt like everyone left you behind
you stuck
meanwhile, everyone doing their incredible things that you want to do it too
question of the day: “aren’t you tired? to feel anxious all the time because of their achievement that you don’t know actually how painful they are ?”
it hits me in the face.

in the era of social media, everyone posting only the good things
you don’t know the story behind it

so don’t worry, our timeline is different
don’t afraid because someday
someday you’ll be at…

Two days ago, I had a conversation with my girls.
Finally, I came out about my past stories
Everyone had their little dark secret, ryt ?
It feels amazing to tell them because sometimes I’m had to lie if someone asked me those questions
But, I don’t know why I thought it’s no harm to tell them the truth

Speaking about the past, I always afraid that my “future” would not accept my past
I know and very aware that someone might be thinking about spending the rest of their life together with the perfect one
So do I
There’s a lot…

Grateful according to vocabulary is feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful.

And yes, grateful is literally what I feel today, sometimes we forget about how grateful we are for the life we had, we are so blinded with all those luxurious things or maybe ordinary things that we don’t have

We always looked up to our related and thinking how lucky they are with their life

But what about us?

We often to think that maybe we’re too poor, or not lucky enough to live because we have other high standards

But don’t worry, I’m not a saint…

This is a week after I turned 23
and thanks to God I learned a lot this week

I met someone that idk maybe gonna be special for me someday, but I still not sure because he suffering from a broken heart as I do before.

I try to be there for him, and I tried to give him a hurt truth that possibly can happen because of in my past experience that happened

“ you don’t need to know everything. you don’t need to know why people changed on you just because you felt that she/he is completely different…

After telling you guys that i turned 23 yesterday

I realized that a birthday is only the day you should completely be your self

I spent my birthday stayed alone in my room. Literally alone

Crying

Sleeping

Watching

Order some junk food

Sleeping again

I didn’t regret it, because it turned out that yesterday is the only day that i can spend in the whole year to be my true self

I didn’t smile even one centimeter because I don’t want to and I had to change to completely had a deep conversation with myself

So what’s changes in me…

Today is my birthday.

I don’t know exactly when, but I felt those birthday things not excite me anymore right now.

Today I turned 23. quite a young right? people say that everything starts on your 23

In Indonesia culture, a woman in the early 23 usually gets married. there’s a bunch of my friends that getting married, and that pressure got so real to me from my parents, my grandparents, or another related family.

The thing is, today is my birthday I already get 2 broken hearts. if you asked me that “are you fine?” well I would say…

How to be an Adults

A big girl in big city. I’m Writing to describe my random feeling and thoughts

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